Just Give Me The Finger

It's been about a month now since I was sitting in the emergency room with my nearly severed finger soaking in a bowl of iodine solution. It was a busy night in the ER and I had a lot of waiting to do and time to think.

I had an accident at work. Like the dumb ass I sometimes am, I got my finger slammed in one of those heavy self closing doors. The pain was pretty intense. Some of the first thoughts going through my head were, will I be able to ride my bike home? How will I get my bike home if I can't ride it? If I can't ride it then how long will it be before I can ride it again?

Then I realized I had more important things to think about other than my bike. Like keeping my finger. They took me for xrays and then back to my little room. The Nurse put a bandage on my finger. There was nothing to read and nobody to talk to. I was alone with only pain and my thoughts to keep me company. Then the Doctor cave in and he started unwrapping the bandage. He said "I might have to take your finger off today, depending on how it looks". I thought to myself nope, it's going to be fine. I refused to think about the possibility of losing it. I just kept this image in my mind of my finger being perfect. When the bandage was off, I took a quick look at it and it was almost completely cut through. I looked away, determined not to put attention into the problem.

Then the Doctor said "it doesn't look that bad, I'm encouraged by the color." Meaning there was still circulation going to the finger. He explained that my finger bone had been severed completely, an open fracture, and that the break was jagged. He told me that he would put my finger back together with some stitches and for me to see a surgeon in two days. He said that if the surgeon decided that I could keep the finger, I would need surgery, and a pin to hold the bone together.

Next I payed attention to the details about where and when to go see the surgeon but did not think thoughts of losing my finger or even having surgery. I kept positive. I got a ride home and my brother in-law rode my bike to the house. The next two days I kept thoughts of losing my finger out of my head. Sure those thoughts came, but as soon as I noticed it I re-focused on the positive. I kept thinking and visualizing a perfect finger.

Later that day I washed the dishes one handed, with the help of my daughter. Then I mowed the lawn the next morning. I watched comedy movies that night, knowing that healing best takes place when the spirit is high. Then I went to work the next day but they sent me home. My intention was to not let the injury interfere with my life anymore than necessary. Also to deny in a way, that the injury even occured. What I really wanted was to get back on my bike as soon as possible.

Then I went to see the surgeon. A small miracle. He said he didn't think surgery was necessary. He said I would lose my finger nail, probably when the stitches are removed. Then he sent me home.

Two weeks after that I was happily back on my bike with a big fat smile on my face. Meanwhile it's been about a month. The stitches are off and I still have my finger, and nail. Thanks to keeping a positive outlook on life and using plenty of denial. Sometimes denial can be a good thing. My finger is healing up fine and I think it's going to be perfect.